I Am Ready For "The One"

             August 2007- While down-trodden about love in Florida, after feeling a strong connection with someone that I ended up having a one-night stand with & then getting blown off for further night stands…. I was mad at myself for being stupid & realizing I needed to get it together, & that I didn’t want to play around anymore. I said & felt with my determination that I am ready to meet ‘the one’, the person I could spend my life with. I know the night that I put it out there, & I felt so strongly that I was ready for a good man. At the time, I didn’t know about the wonderful things that the Universe can provide when you believe. Two weeks later, I was in California & I met Kristen’s (college friend I was staying with for 2 weeks while looking for work) friend Josh. At first meeting he was just a really nice guy & one I befriended on Myspace after the fact. I had already decided I was moving to CA at the time. He was apparently smitten with me, but I was only looking to make friends. There is a lot I could say here about Josh & how we came to be, but the short of it is that he did become my boyfriend & he is a wonderful man, whom for the longest time I thought I would marry. I even thought I would marry Josh the very day we started dating & my first day having moved to CA, September 19^th, 2007. I believe he had everything that I asked for when I told the Universe I was ready, only a few weeks prior. Josh is kind, thoughtful, considerate… he is extremely good to me, loves me, & has never faltered from wanting to marry & start a family with me. Currently I am in a different place & am not sure if I want those things anymore. I also am a person of being “realistic” about my situation, & I say that if we aren’t ready to get married tomorrow, then I say we aren’t ready & it’s not something I can think about right now. I say this because of some hard truths in our relationship, that shall currently be private because our relationship is current. I used to want the whole thing, marriage & a family… not that those desires are completely gone, I am just otherwise focused. My idea for the past few years has also been that I wanted a prosperous career, I wanted to travel, get married maybe late 20s/early 30s, & have babies mid 30s. So I technically do still have time for that dream, as I am only 26.

                But the true point of all of this is, I felt deeply that I was ready for a strong connection with the person I could marry, & the Universe must have agreed & allowed Josh & I to meet. What seems astounding is this happened, I believe in less than 2 weeks! It’s a typical thought that our wishes don’t come true right away & I had resolved myself with the lyric in a country song: “Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers”. I didn’t think Josh was the one right away, not until I started getting to know him… & I think it is good that the answer wasn’t so obvious because I think that can often times cripple people from behaving ‘normally’ & make things awkward & perhaps ruin the opportunity. But I have thanked the Universe for my gift in Josh; he is precious & a wonderful soul who has brought a perhaps, indescribable world of good to my life. Thank you Josh =)

Tunnel Vision Directions

                There have been times in my life of feeling certain & knowing absolutely of a particular step I wished to take. Of course with all feelings of being ready for one particular direction there will always be places of doubt, wondering if you are making the right choice, the knowledge & sadness that you are leaving certain things & people behind, etc. But internally I have felt strongly about certain directions in my life, I will describe a few of the big ones.

                I attended Community College for a year as a personal choice, with the intention that I would then apply for one particular University for my remaining 3 years of college. I felt at home on the campus of Philadelphia University & applied to only this school. It isn’t that I knew for sure that I would get in, this was just the place that I really wanted to go & if I did not get in I actually did not have a back-up plan (which is quite unlike me now, at least the person I’ve become that past 8 years). Luckily with my tunnel vision, & perhaps the determination & hope that I put out into the Universe, I did get accepted & enjoyed a great 3 ½ years of college there.

                Another big occurrence I became set on, was my move to Southern California. I bought my very first car myself (previous vehicles my Dad paid for, yes lucky me & Thanks Dad!) at the end of 2006 (& it’s always good to purchase a car at the end of the year!). I bought a Honda Element because I had pretty much figured that I would be moving across the country. Haha. When I think back on things I’ve done I realize I am such a funny girl. I quit my job in July of 2007… I went on my family’s vacation to Ocean City Maryland, I then went to Florida to compete (to hopefully get an agent) at AMTC (Actors, Models, Talent Competition (at the time, the title has now been changed to incorporate Christianity). I did acting competitions, I danced with a partner, I strutted down the runway in an outfit I made (I’m 5’2”, so, it was about the outfit) & made a lot of great friends along the way (though I actually only keep in touch with one). I didn’t get an agent or notoriety out of it, but it was a great experience. I then vacationed in FL for a week, since my Dad has a home there in Apollo Beach. Afterward I flew back to Maryland to then fly to Los Angeles for 2 weeks to visit my friend from college, look for a job, & see if I liked it enough to move there. My eggs were completely in this basket, I hadn’t been working for a month, & I had no back-up plan if I didn’t end up liking California. Once I got there I drove everywhere, dropping off my resume & trying to find work. It wasn’t working out but I did find out about a big career fair at the end of September, so a week into my visit I decided that I would fly home & then drive back, with my car packed, in time for the career fair & hope for the best! So long story short, I had no job secured but I went home, packed everything in two weeks, & drove across the country for the career fair. I just felt it was the right step for me. I was 24 & I didn’t see my life & career progressing in Maryland, I wanted warm weather & the opportunity to utilize my Bachelors Degree in Fashion Design.